To Be Or Not To Be?

My son thinks differently. Like seriously differently from most people. I have stopped pulling my
hair over it, but why are things okay sometimes and things not okay sometimes. I am not talking
about allowing a drunk person to drive or allowing a young child to cross a street; we can have
 some sense to decide what is safe and unsafe. I am talking about grey lines. Like eating cereal
for dinner and ribs for breakfast; or maybe people won’t see my point that way.

I agree there are extremes and that’s where we apply common sense, but what about moderates? As always, my blog invites you to real life situations I have with my son and encourage you to laugh at me, give your opinion and hopefully empower yourself. Clearly (or not), I have now been pretty good at handling my son and you know me by now that I give all credit to Jesus for that. I set boundaries and he knows my mom face. He is
pretty good and I don't resort to any fancy tactics like threats or spanking or any (tried and true)
tips that have stood the test of time; nope, my child is unique. I know what works and doesn't
work and that’s why I am skeptic to say my child doesn't listen.

He really does listen and obey. He just has a “degree” in law and practical science. At a mere 6 year old, I mean, 7, (He just turned 7), he finds it better to learn from experience than theory, you know, Leonard Hofstadter, the experimental scientist, and the world wants him to be a Sheldon Cooper, the theoretical scientist. I have always wondered why Sheldon made fun of Leonard and now I know. I always root for Leonard though. (If you don't know, I am referencing the “Big Bang Theory”, don't blame me; sue CBS for claiming it is the most watched show on the most watched network in America and if you don't know CBS, sue America for claiming CBS is the most watched network and if you don’t know America…. Well, I think you are the smartest person in the world).

Anyway, on one of his numerous appointments, the doctor gave him a toy and I asked him to put it in the box piece by piece. He “didn't listen” and poured the pieces at once in the box and of course they spilled on the ground. And because I know he listens, I phrased my next question carefully. I asked him if he didn't think it would fall, he said no. I asked him if he thought I knew better than him or vice versa, if he trusted me and if he knew I was smart. He correctly responded to each question and he understood the lesson.

You see, I know my son. I know he listens, he is obedient. Why can't we just allow kids to be kids? Remember, I know the law of common sense that I won't allow my kid to endanger himself, so why shouldn’t I be okay with him not “listening” to me for “irrelevant” thing when I know he is willing to take correction? Pick your battles, they say.

So, why should it be a problem that kids have to be labelled bad because they “didn’t listen” the first time? And more importantly, why is it wrong for a child “not to listen” but okay for an adult to not listen? To be or not to be? That is the question.

My child didn’t not listen to me. He was just curious. He wanted to find out for himself why or if the toy would actually fall. And you know what? He did understand. It was a teachable moment that wasn’t lost. Society would differ though. I would be getting the eyes of "your child is spoilt, how can he talk to you like that?"... and other stories. Yes curiosity does kill the cat but a cat has nine lives, so why not allow a child nine… ok 3 times not to listen (you don't want the child to waste all 9 lives on one question and does a cat have 9 lives per day? Does anyone want to experiment or just agree based on theory?) If Steve Jobs listened to people, would there be an IPhone?

However, I am torn between allowing my child to not listen and where to draw the boundaries of common sense. If we allow adults to experiment and learn from their experiences, why can't we allow kids to do the same. Why can’t a kid be allowed to learn that things a mug can break on the floor by throwing a mug? Why should we shout at them for always forgetting to take their plate into the kitchen? Aren’t we always late for work as grown ups? Does our boss writing us up prevent us from coming late over and over? Don't we just get fired and look for another job and make the same mistakes?

My son is a calculator. He thinks differently. He calculates in his head and then experiments with his hands. Remember the saying, if a tree fell
in the forest and no one was there to hear it, did it really fall? Well according to my son, it didn't
fall, but it is my job and others to explain to him why it fell. What happened to try, try, try again?
Why is it okay for an adult to not listen but wrong for a child to understand by experience? After all, that is the best teacher right? I don't agree with saying children don't listen because they don't
do something right away. If they accept correction, didn't it mean they listened? Aren't we being
the defiant adults by not giving them a chance; by not understanding how they function? I am
not saying make excuses for their behavior but there is always another way.

Is your child anything like mine or I am making excuses? Does society have ridiculous expectations? Please leave a comment below.

Oh I can't wait to tell you the time when…...