My son thinks differently. Like seriously differently from most people. I have stopped pulling my
hair over it, but why are things okay sometimes and things not okay sometimes. I am not talking
about allowing a drunk person to drive or allowing a young child to cross a street; we can have
some sense to decide what is safe and unsafe. I am talking about grey lines. Like eating cereal
for dinner and ribs for breakfast; or maybe people won’t see my point that way.
I agree there are extremes and that’s where we apply common sense, but what about moderates? As always, my blog invites you to real life situations I have with my son and encourage you to laugh at me, give your opinion and hopefully empower yourself. Clearly (or not), I have now been pretty good at handling my son and you know me by now that I give all credit to Jesus for that. I set boundaries and he knows my mom face. He is
pretty good and I don't resort to any fancy tactics like threats or spanking or any (tried and true)
tips that have stood the test of time; nope, my child is unique. I know what works and doesn't
work and that’s why I am skeptic to say my child doesn't listen.
He really does listen and obey. He just has a “degree” in law and practical science. At a mere 6 year old, I mean, 7, (He just turned 7), he finds it better to learn from experience than theory, you know, Leonard Hofstadter, the experimental scientist, and the world wants him to be a Sheldon Cooper, the theoretical scientist. I have always wondered why Sheldon made fun of Leonard and now I know. I always root for Leonard though. (If you don't know, I am referencing the “Big Bang Theory”, don't blame me; sue CBS for claiming it is the most watched show on the most watched network in America and if you don't know CBS, sue America for claiming CBS is the most watched network and if you don’t know America…. Well, I think you are the smartest person in the world).
Anyway, on one of his numerous appointments, the doctor gave him a toy and I asked him to put it in the box piece by piece. He “didn't listen” and poured the pieces at once in the box and of course they spilled on the ground. And because I know he listens, I phrased my next question carefully. I asked him if he didn't think it would fall, he said no. I asked him if he thought I knew better than him or vice versa, if he trusted me and if he knew I was smart. He correctly responded to each question and he understood the lesson.
You see, I know my son. I know he listens, he is obedient. Why can't we just allow kids to be kids? Remember, I know the law of common sense that I won't allow my kid to endanger himself, so why shouldn’t I be okay with him not “listening” to me for “irrelevant” thing when I know he is willing to take correction? Pick your battles, they say.
So, why should it be a problem that kids have to be labelled bad because they “didn’t listen” the first time? And more importantly, why is it wrong for a child “not to listen” but okay for an adult to not listen? To be or not to be? That is the question.
My child didn’t not listen to me. He was just curious. He wanted to find out for himself why or if the toy would actually fall. And you know what? He did understand. It was a teachable moment that wasn’t lost. Society would differ though. I would be getting the eyes of "your child is spoilt, how can he talk to you like that?"... and other stories. Yes curiosity does kill the cat but a cat has nine lives, so why not allow a child nine… ok 3 times not to listen (you don't want the child to waste all 9 lives on one question and does a cat have 9 lives per day? Does anyone want to experiment or just agree based on theory?) If Steve Jobs listened to people, would there be an IPhone?
However, I am torn between allowing my child to not listen and where to draw the boundaries of common sense. If we allow adults to experiment and learn from their experiences, why can't we allow kids to do the same. Why can’t a kid be allowed to learn that things a mug can break on the floor by throwing a mug? Why should we shout at them for always forgetting to take their plate into the kitchen? Aren’t we always late for work as grown ups? Does our boss writing us up prevent us from coming late over and over? Don't we just get fired and look for another job and make the same mistakes?
My son is a calculator. He thinks differently. He calculates in his head and then experiments with his hands. Remember the saying, if a tree fell
in the forest and no one was there to hear it, did it really fall? Well according to my son, it didn't
fall, but it is my job and others to explain to him why it fell. What happened to try, try, try again?
Why is it okay for an adult to not listen but wrong for a child to understand by experience? After all, that is the best teacher right? I don't agree with saying children don't listen because they don't
do something right away. If they accept correction, didn't it mean they listened? Aren't we being
the defiant adults by not giving them a chance; by not understanding how they function? I am
not saying make excuses for their behavior but there is always another way.
Is your child anything like mine or I am making excuses? Does society have ridiculous expectations? Please leave a comment below.
Oh I can't wait to tell you the time when…...
Saturday, 3 December 2016
Kids And Restaurants Mix Like Water and Oil
I remember the first time I took my son to a restaurant. Let’s just say I wish I don't remember it.
Have you ever tried beading a necklace and just when you think you got it, you pick the thread
and all the beads scatter into a million places and pieces? Yup. That’s how it was taking my
ADHD kid to a restaurant.
Just when I thought I had finally sat him down and but on the booster seat belt, he slips through it right when i breathe my sigh of relief and success, I hear him running around to the next table, playing with ketchup and talking to the people on the next
table. Parents with toddlers know exactly how it feels, except mine wasn't a toddler. He was older.
You see I knew better than to take my toddler to a restaurant, so I avoided that as much as I could. I barely took him to the store because it really is the same thing with a different name. No matter where I put my kid, he always moved. He turns his stroller into a high chair, he plays with ketchup and salt. So on two occasions when I took my addhmazing ADHD 6 year old to a restaurant and a business event filled with C.E.O.’s lawyers, and architects where my husband was also working and on both occasions, he was angelic, I wouldn't believe it if I told me either.
First we head to Long Horn restaurant and we get in our seats, (side bar, their buffalo meatballs were heaven but I couldn't walk after eating; sorry I’m a foodie) I almost scoured to secure the ketchup and toothpicks but I noticed something. He picked up the menu and ordered himself a rib eye, and multiple items to the waiter’s surprise,. My son immediately proceeded to get his toys and play with them while we waited for our food. He then picked up the kid’s menu and played the games in there (seriously, who does that?).
It was at that point that I noticed, wow, who are you and what have you done with my son? He drank his cranberry juice without spilling; his hands were not moving all over the place and not once did he get up or move. I have my suspicions that there was a magnetic force field holding him down. The only complaint I had was he was talking too much and wanted to order the entire menu off the restaurant. I would take that any day over my previously Flash kid. We left there very surprised at his behavior. I was singing praises to Jesus for that miracle.
The next week, my husband invited me to an event he was working in, I don't know why he forgot we have a child, I guess my son has really been behaving well that silence makes us think we don't have a kid, but anyway boy was he shocked when I came with our son. Before we walked in, I explained to my son that daddy would be working and he can't be with him (because you know they are stuck to the hips). We walked in with a prayer.
He sat down at the table, we went to order food. We did have a mishap when he wanted fish and I didn't budge because he was rude (yes I am a perfectionist). He refused to ask nicely so I casually took him to a chair and told him when he was ready to apologize he should let me know; then I walked a few steps away to eat fish. He stayed there for a while and later came up to me to apologize. After that small mishap, the rest of the day went smoothly. He ate his meal, asked for daddy for the 10th time and I said he was busy. We then went over to what was a man making pasta from scratch and he took to my son, my son became his sous chef. They rolled pasta together for hours, ok many many minutes. I even forgot I had a son. I even packed his favorite book that he forgot to ask for. When it was time to leave, he willingly came with us. I was shocked I didn't hear his favorite phrase of the night; “ I’m bored”.
Have you ever tried beading a necklace and just when you think you got it, you pick the thread
and all the beads scatter into a million places and pieces? Yup. That’s how it was taking my
ADHD kid to a restaurant.
Just when I thought I had finally sat him down and but on the booster seat belt, he slips through it right when i breathe my sigh of relief and success, I hear him running around to the next table, playing with ketchup and talking to the people on the next
table. Parents with toddlers know exactly how it feels, except mine wasn't a toddler. He was older.
You see I knew better than to take my toddler to a restaurant, so I avoided that as much as I could. I barely took him to the store because it really is the same thing with a different name. No matter where I put my kid, he always moved. He turns his stroller into a high chair, he plays with ketchup and salt. So on two occasions when I took my addhmazing ADHD 6 year old to a restaurant and a business event filled with C.E.O.’s lawyers, and architects where my husband was also working and on both occasions, he was angelic, I wouldn't believe it if I told me either.
First we head to Long Horn restaurant and we get in our seats, (side bar, their buffalo meatballs were heaven but I couldn't walk after eating; sorry I’m a foodie) I almost scoured to secure the ketchup and toothpicks but I noticed something. He picked up the menu and ordered himself a rib eye, and multiple items to the waiter’s surprise,. My son immediately proceeded to get his toys and play with them while we waited for our food. He then picked up the kid’s menu and played the games in there (seriously, who does that?).
It was at that point that I noticed, wow, who are you and what have you done with my son? He drank his cranberry juice without spilling; his hands were not moving all over the place and not once did he get up or move. I have my suspicions that there was a magnetic force field holding him down. The only complaint I had was he was talking too much and wanted to order the entire menu off the restaurant. I would take that any day over my previously Flash kid. We left there very surprised at his behavior. I was singing praises to Jesus for that miracle.
The next week, my husband invited me to an event he was working in, I don't know why he forgot we have a child, I guess my son has really been behaving well that silence makes us think we don't have a kid, but anyway boy was he shocked when I came with our son. Before we walked in, I explained to my son that daddy would be working and he can't be with him (because you know they are stuck to the hips). We walked in with a prayer.
He sat down at the table, we went to order food. We did have a mishap when he wanted fish and I didn't budge because he was rude (yes I am a perfectionist). He refused to ask nicely so I casually took him to a chair and told him when he was ready to apologize he should let me know; then I walked a few steps away to eat fish. He stayed there for a while and later came up to me to apologize. After that small mishap, the rest of the day went smoothly. He ate his meal, asked for daddy for the 10th time and I said he was busy. We then went over to what was a man making pasta from scratch and he took to my son, my son became his sous chef. They rolled pasta together for hours, ok many many minutes. I even forgot I had a son. I even packed his favorite book that he forgot to ask for. When it was time to leave, he willingly came with us. I was shocked I didn't hear his favorite phrase of the night; “ I’m bored”.
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